Before I met my bf I met up with a guy I found on POF. He was amazing. made me feel like my body wasn’t disgusting and ate me out like I’ve never again experienced. I sucked his d*** twice and he came both times, he was so impressed and said I’ve got skills. I wasn’t ready for s** so he didn’t push it that night. I felt desirable and attractive to him. He has a thing for bigger women and I was comfortable. I thought for sure I’d see him again.

Then he ghosted for personal reasons and didn’t hear back from him until I had met my bf.

I give my bf head but it doesn’t make him c**. He has gone down on me like 4 times in the last couple years, never for more than a minute or so. When I ride him he loses his hard on. He doesn’t ask me to sit on his face. I’ve asked to try a*** for so long because i know he’s into it but he says no. Guess he enjoys it but not with me. Just his ex. I have trouble getting wet for s** and we always need lube, I just feel like he’s not into my body.

Yesterday the other guy messaged me out of nowhere. He told me how much fun he had that night and that he still jerks off to the thought of how I tasted and sounded when I came. He wanted to meet but I’m not a cheater so I declined. He sent me a video of him jerking off and I loved it.. Somebody actually thought about me.

I told him that I enjoyed our s*** chat but that I can’t make a habit out of it. I thought I’d feel more guilty than this though. We deleted the chat and went to bed.

I don’t think my boyfriend is very turned on by me.. i think he loves the security and how I adore him, but my body is ugly to him. He doesn’t just grab me. It’s like he struggles to put his hands somewhere. He wants to feel hip bones. I don’t take my shirt off to have s**.

I just want to feel like my bf is actually attracted to me. He has a difficult time getting hard often and gets frustrated and it has left me in tears. The other guy said I’m hot and s*** and I miss that feeling.

I can’t help wondering what his gigantic c*** would feel like inside of me. I remember the first time he sent me a pic and I said that he would break me in half. He said, “I’ll go slow first.. then I’ll break you in half.” And my p**** is soaking wet right now just thinking about it.