I want to kill myself.
I truly believe my family would be better of without me. It would hurt for a few years, but eventually they would move on. I would rather be someone they miss than someone that they hate, are worried about or dissapointed in. I want to change, but I am scared. Scared I that I’ll lose myself and the person that I am. Scared I will mess up again. Scared I won’t be good enough and scared that I’ll be miserable living a lie. They deserve better than this. And right now I can’t come up with a single thing that would change my mind into staying. The only reason I dont want to try is because I am scared to survive my attempt, and then hurt my family more in the process instead of dissappearing. I am ruining everyones life and dont know why I can’t stop. I’ve been making life hard since I was a child, I feel like I am just faulty and would be better dead.
