I struggle with substance abuse. I’ve done everything I could get my hands on, which wasn’t usually enough for a full-blown addiction, I think my chemical

4 years

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I struggle with substance abuse. I’ve done everything I could get my hands on, which wasn’t usually enough for a full-blown addiction, I think my chemical dependency would accept anything.
I started out with alcohol at 16, and cough syrup. I stopped for 6 months when I moved back home. Senior year I moved in with my older siblings and started drinking again, any time I could. My older sister would get me booze and edibles in exchange for babysitting. I honestly think she was enabling me so I wouldn’t hold her accountable for her own substance abuse issues and the havoc they wreaked on our lives. When I went to college, I managed to stay fully sober for about three weeks before I had a sinus infection and used it as an excuse to get back into cough syrup. I also started abusing NyQuil and Benadryl at that point. I have sinus issues, I’m in pain all the time, it just makes sense that I would gravitate towards that stuff. I moved home during the pandemic and went cold sober for 5 months, after which I turned 21.
For my 21st birthday I ordered myself a handle of cheap vodka on Instacart and hid it in my dresser in my brother’s living room, where I was living at the time. A couple nights a week after everyone went to bed, I would get drunk and watch Hannibal. I did this for about 4 weeks, getting so drunk I couldn’t stand up and passing out where I sat. No one ever said anything, so I have no clue if they knew or not. During the day I would just pretend everything was okay. I honestly can’t remember much besides that.
After I flunked out of college I stayed home with my mom at her new house, trying to figure out what to do next. I would go to my older sister’s house and binge drink over the weekends. I got crazy messy over the weekend of my birthday and spent 2 days hungover pretending I felt fine. My little sister got me back into nicotine because it was the only way I could see to bond with her, going out to smoke with her on the back porch. Sometimes we would smoke cigarettes, sometimes we would vape. I DID get a lot closer to her, but my mom threatened to not pay for my eye doctor anymore because nicotine makes glaucoma, which I have, worse. So, I successfully quit smoking about 2 weeks before Christmas.
Which brings me to current events. The most relevant being that I’m having a very hard time with my substance cravings. Lately I’ve been answering the impulse to abuse by substituting things that would make me high with things that don’t make me high. Like how I wanted to drink cough syrup this morning and instead I drank a bottle of water. I don’t want to just not do anything because it makes the cravings worse, it makes them all consuming to the point where all my energy is devoted to Not relapsing. So, I pretend that the healthy stuff is going to make me high, and my brain believes it for long enough that the Need Wave rolls past and I can get back to what I’m doing.

New Confession

He put his big hand on my head which forced me to my knees. I looked up at him knowing I could only s*** his c*** if I was made to. He guided me toward his shaft and my mouth opened to accept his purple gland. I believe if you’re going to do a job give it your best and so I went for it. I wanked him. sucked him and swallowed his c**. He ordered me to play with my own c***. That was my first time.

Related Confessions

I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.