I didn’t realise at 8 years old, I was sexually assaulted by my own brother. It was truly years ago but I can’t get over it. I feel like it’s my fault,

4 years

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I didn’t realise at 8 years old, I was s******* assaulted by my own brother. It was truly years ago but I can’t get over it. I feel like it’s my fault, that I didn’t push him away or call for my mum and dad. I just let it happen, in fact I enjoyed it quite a bit. I hate myself for it. For letting it go on. He was older. He knew better. I should have known better aswell. I cant and will never recover from it. It’s affected my love life as an adult. I cant feel love or any attraction anymore. I just think back to that moment and feel total and utter disgust.

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Last year I had se.x with my friends girlfriend. They broke up not long ago, but not because of that. He still doesn’t know what we did. I’m not going to lie, the first time we did it I lasted about 30 seconds before I eja.culated inside her. She’s just so fu.c.king beautiful, it was like my di.ck wanted to fill her with sp.erm before she had a chance to change her mind. After the first time I was able to go two more rounds and last much longer. I even made her c.um a couple of times. She spent the night in my bed and we had s.ex again in the morning. Yes, I feel fu.cking guilty about it, but I didn’t think their relationship would last anyway (I was right) and we just have a natural chemistry. I hope she doesn’t tell him out of spite. Believe it or not, I really like my friend and I want to stick with him. Thank you for giving me a chance to get this off my chest.