Charlie, I know I was a consistent failure in the boyfriend/partner department. I know that.

I also know that, to my shame, you’re better off without me. I have no doubt you’re happier already in the 3-and-a-half weeks since we’ve spoken then you were at any time we tried to be together. And that’s my fault.

Abysmal, callow shitheel that I am, I can still recognize that you are the most incredible human being I’ve ever met. In no particular order, you are:

Amazing baker, supremely talented artist, gorgeous femme with a beautiful face and a s*** body, killer sense of humor, great taste in movies and TV, fun to be with…

And I fucked it all up because I couldn’t see past myself enough to let go of the past and appreciate what I held in my arms.

Oh, Charlie. I’m close to tears just typing this, even though I know you’ll probably never see it.

I can’t help it. It’s selfish and awful and painful for both of us, but god dammit, kid, I need you in my life.
Romantically, I know I haven’t been there for you. Bring me back into your life as a friend – nothing more than casual friendship – and I’ll still be happier than I am now. I can’t possibly be any sadder than I am. I can’t possibly hate myself more than I do now.

Charlie Tom. The erstwhile Mr. Tanuki. Ugly Meat. Kiddo. Kitten. Whatever you’re calling yourself right now.

Your tattoos and your blue hair and your sweet brown eyes and your dulcet voice…My life feels worse than empty without you. I am in pain every single day. I cry every single night. I literally cannot help it. I know you won’t care, even if you do see these words. Worse, I know I deserve this pain and your scorn.

I’m begging. I will do anything – ANYTHING – to be part of your life again. Please. Please forgive me, Charlie.

I’m so sorry. I’m not going to insult you by asking you to love me again, but if you can forgive me, please reach out. Text, email, IG, even a carrier pigeon will do.

You know how to get in touch with me.
You know who this is.