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I am 25 female, and I cheated on my boyfriend.

We have been together 2 years, and we have known each other since we were kids hanging around the town and causing mischief.

We met up just before the pandemic and spent all of lockdown together, and eventually got into a relationship. He is the sweetest, funniest person I have ever met. And he really is my safe place.

There are bad days, but mainly good ones. We have had a handful of bad arguments / fights, we even got physical at each other at one point. We have pulled through a lot and have come out stronger in the end. But I made the biggest mistake you could imagine.

After a night out, I ended up at one of my colleagues house after a night in the pub. My boyfriend, before this had got into a bit of a bicker with said colleague and left the pub. Sometimes this can happen when he drinks, and usually brushes it off and comes back, this time he didn’t. And I was to embarrassed drunk and stubborn to try contact him. I then decided to drink vodka which I never do as it just caused a lot of problems in my youth. Then certain conversations became a big blur, and I can’t even remember leaving the pub. Or who I said bye to, did everyone leave? I have no recollection. I do however remember being at their house, and I got a text from my boyfriend, there was 8 I think but I only seen the first one at the notification bar which read ‘we are over’ this made me go numb, and scared to go home. I didn’t even know if he was home, I was so drunk I couldn’t even find my keys or anything and knew I was to wasted to go home.

We have had some issues recently, one big fight that happened a month ago now or so which we got passed, and our s** life hasn’t been happening all that much. Maybe 2-4 times a month.

Then it happened. I slept with my colleague. Why? I don’t even know – drink, hurt, anger, confusion, I just went fuk distractive with my actions. When I was a teen early twenties I had a partner who cheated on me and told me I was just an object and that’s all he was with me for, he s******* assaulted me while we were in this relationship and also hit me, and tried to cause a car accident with me in the car. This broke me, and sent me on a dark path of alcohol, I was out clubbing every day even if I had no money, I’d find a way or flirt with the closest guy to get free drinks. I couldn’t cope with the feeling and genuinely believed that I was an object, and I’m nothing more. Self distractive. I was a train wreck, I slept with people just to feel something, I didn’t even like these men or want to actually sleep with them. I was basically self harming myself and very much brain washed with the wrong crowd I was in.

So, when I slept with my colleague – it felt like this exact feeling again. I don’t have any interest in anyone else, I just want to be with my boyfriend. After the incident, it was very awkward and I just wanted to get home. I told my boyfriend what had happened and naturally he was extremely destroyed. Long story short, we have agreed to move forward, and take things at his pace. I’m just worried for him, I don’t want him to push himself to much it just keeps hurting… I bloody love him. Truly. And I can’t stop feeling to disgusted at myself. It’s like all the s*** and hurt that’s happened to me, I’m projecting onto someone else? I don’t understand.

New Confession

Michael Power-St. Joseph High School
105 Eringate DriveEtobicoke,
ON M9C 3Z7
From: Carmen Portugal, Grade 13 Student

September 25, 1996

Regarding: Deceptive Conduct, Breach of Confidentiality, and Harassment by School Chaplain

Dear Principal Fenwick,I am writing this letter to formally report a deeply distressing incident involving the school chaplain, Sister Marie Howorth, and my guidance counselor. This situation was handled with complete deception, violated my privacy, and has caused me such severe psychological harm that I no longer feel safe at school. Recently, I published a poem in the school newspaper honoring Jane, a former student who passed away suddenly of an illness in the 1980s. I wrote this piece out of genuine admiration for her memory and a desire to celebrate a bright light in our school’s history. On September 25, 1995, Sister Marie Howorth had me summoned directly out of my classroom for an unsolicited meeting. When I asked her what the meeting was about, she dismissed my question, saying, “Oh, just something.” In light of what followed, this response was a deliberate deception. I was misled into her office under false pretenses. As soon as the meeting began, Sister Marie Howorth immediately attacked my character, telling me, “You know you wear a mask.” She did not explain to me what she meant by this statement, leaving me to feel judged, confused, and defensive before she even explained why I was there. This unprovoked, highly damaging psychological label had an immediate negative impact on me.She then proceeded to ambush me with my private family history. She did not tell me how she knew this information until I asked, at which point she revealed it was my guidance counselor who told her. Sister Marie Howorth looked at me and asked directly: “Carmen, you wrote in your poem that Jane’s death was sudden. Now Carmen, your father died, was that sudden?”This question was unconscionably cruel and a profound violation of my emotional safety. f To hear those words from a school chaplain—someone representing spiritual care and the authority of God—felt like a clinical cross-examination and a predatory ambush. It was a complete violation of my boundaries to have my private childhood history dragged into the light without my permission, stripped of context, and used against me like an interrogation tactic.The question was cruel because it reduced my genuine artistic inspiration and admiration for Jane into a cheap, traumatic stereotype. By forcing a jarring, completely false comparison between Jane’s tragic death and my own past, Sister Marie Howorth attempted to rewrite my reality. She completely invalidated my real intentions, treating my talent not as a gift, but as a symptom of damage. She used my father’s history as a weapon to dissect my mind, rather than treating me with basic human decency.When I tried to explain my poem, Sister Marie Howorth refused to listen. At one point, I got so upset by her aggressive tone that I told her I was sorry I ever wrote the poem. Sister Marie Howorth saw my acute distress, yet she completely ignored my pain and continued to ask me prodding questions in regard to why I noticed Jane, saying, “What made you notice Jane? There must have been something that made you notice her.”There was absolutely no excuse for Sister Marie Howorth to treat me this way. If she had a concern with me, or if someone else on staff did, this was entirely the wrong way to address it. Here is why:She chose deception over transparency: If a chaplain is genuinely concerned about a student’s emotional well-being, they approach them with honesty. Sneaking me out of class under false pretenses and hiding how she obtained my private records destroyed any possibility of pastoral trust. She substituted counseling with an interrogation: True care requires listening. Instead of asking me how I was doing, she came to the meeting with a preconceived verdict. She tried to force my life into her own narrative, completely ignoring my actual thoughts and experiences. She weaponized a student’s distress: When a student becomes so visibly upset that they regret their own creative work, a responsible educator stops. Continuing to probe and press a student who is in acute distress is not guidance; it is psychological harassment.This interaction has caused me severe harm in the following ways:Severe Loss of Safety: I am writing to tell you directly that as a result of this incident, I do not feel safe at school. I now feel constantly watched, evaluated based on gossip, and unsafe walking the hallways.Deception and Emotional Distress: Being summoned out of class under a lie, immediately told I “wear a mask” without explanation, and then interrogated while visibly upset was a traumatic experience. Sister Marie Howorth chose to press into my boundaries rather than offer pastoral care.

Breach of Confidentiality: My guidance counselor had no ethical right to share my personal family file with the chaplain, and Sister Marie Howorth had no right to weaponize that information to ambush me

Censorship of My Voice: Because of this invasive behavior, I feel I must completely stop contributing to the school newspaper or expressing myself creatively just to protect myself from the staff.

Sister Marie Howorth’s approach was an interrogation that violated my rights as an 18-year-old student. I request an immediate formal meeting with you to address this breach of safety, hold the counselor accountable for sharing my file, and ensure Sister Marie Howorth is instructed to never approach me again.

Sincerely, Carmen Portugal Grade 13

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