Cheated on final exams in PA school for half a year.

During the pandemic, my very well respected & highly ranked medical school delivered all of our final exams online without proctoring. I’m in the PA Program, and I worked hard to beat the odds and get accepted. “Like drinking from a firehose” definitely applies. I did better than I thought I would several times without cheating, but as juggling assignments got tougher I started to fear failure. I started to look up definitions and such during exams, which probably boosted my scores by 10-20%. I hated myself more and more and I didn’t study as much as I should have. I know other classmates did the same, but I feel so stupid for cheating myself, my mentors, and my future patients. I’m still in school and won’t be cheating again – no desire to and no further opportunity as exams are now proctored. I will only pass if I truly know the material. Being tested regularly now without cheating and I’m getting positive feedback from faculty in person about my knowledge. But I still have to release bad time management habits and stop hating myself. Just wanted to get this off my chest.