I didn’t understand my feelings when I was little because I was never taught or was exposed to many things that was considered uncomfortable to my parents. This was a literal decade ago when I did some things to someone close to me and I still can’t go into detail today because of the guilt. I continued doing these things for weeks, maybe months even. The thing that gets to me the most is that they didn’t know I was doing these things to them, they were asleep. I’m not going to say that what I did wasn’t too bad because that could be downplaying this person’s possible trauma I brought them. When I was confronted I denied everything. Every now and then I get flashbacks and it’s so overwhelming. I deserve to have to deal with the guilt and shame for the rest of my life, but sometimes it gets too overwhelming and it makes me want to kill myself. I can’t imagine the pain or issues I gave this person, this person that I do truly care about and wish the best for. Only one other person knows about this, well, other than the people that might end up reading this thing. I hope I can carry this by myself, keep this to myself, until my last breath.