I don’t know if I am guilty or not. Well since I am here. I guess the feeling is there. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He is not interested in s**,he blames it on work. I’ve asked him to get his hormones checked out, he still hasn’t gone. I have to beg for ssx and I hate myself for even doing that. I am a beautiful girl, I’ve never had to beg for s**. We have s** whenever he wants to, and when we do it’s not wow, most of the time I don’t even get off. I am so desperate for any kind of affection. I recently flew back home to visit family, when I came back I discovered that he send an Asian lady money. He does have an obsession with Asian women. He didn’t cheat on he with her because she is in the Philippines. I was so angry and heartbroken at the time I decided to find someone to hook with. I did and he is 18 years my senior. I’ve never had such amazing s** in life. I don’t feel bad because I deserve great s**. I’m 24, I am at peak. But I wish it was my 33 year old bf giving me all that pleasure. He is a great guy. He takes care of me and we have even spoken about a future together. I just can’t deal with not having s** it’s punishment. He even got me toys because we had an argument about s**, he said I’m upset that I can’t help myself. I’m very upset I feel like a part of relationship is about pleasing each other and discovering your big O with your partner. I honestly don’t know what to do. We are supposed to go for couple therapy but I have never felt so unwanted, I have lost so much self confidence. But like I said he is a great the only problem is we have s** once a month. He said he doesn’t watch p*** anymore so I don’t know. I’m also not ready to leave him. With covid it will be difficult to survive I got a salary cut, it works better if we live together. I also don’t want to leave him. I love him, very much I actually do.