Can you please s***-shame me? I want to feel the guilt. I want to bear the pain, pay the price.
So, after 7 years, I’m leaving my boyfriend. The main reason is, he is financially unstable, so am I. We’re of same age, and we are already 26.My parents are trying to arrange a marriage. Don’t blame my parents.No parents in the world wants their child to starve or suffer, after marriage. Still they asked for my opinion. It was me,who declined, because I was in no position to keep my head high and stand still. I have lots of excuses on my plate…like how I’m partially disabled (physically), mentally unstable, traumatized by domestic violence, have a lots of limitations that I couldn’t explain to anyone etc etc. Nothing justifies my action though. I’m being bipolar.I don’t want to get married to anyone,at the same time I can’t live on my own. I’m the girl, you see in novels, dramas, in real life…the bad one.The gold digger type. I’ve became the kind of person, I detested the most. Here I am, watching everything crumble right before my eyes.I was always scared of ruining other people’s life. Now I’ve done that.
I don’t know if I will be able to find a job and move out on my own or I will be the mother of a kid and full time homemaker some years later. I don’t even know if I will snap at some point and hang myself tonight.
Remember me. Don’t forgive, don’t forget. Gossip behind my back. Curse at me. I’ll try to hold it all until I break. Till then…