I did so much self-punishment last night that my muscles went into spasm. It was like the time I fell and torqued my neck, but all over the right side of my body. I was starting to freak out because that only went away with a cortisone shot. Fortunately, it didn’t go that far. I just lay very still, and tried to relax/keep warm, and woke up extremely sore. But now I feel guiltier than even before, and I’m angry that my muscles responded that way because why the hell shouldn’t I beat them?