I first laid with a woman when I was 22. She was 40 and married. I didn’t care and I lusted for her badly. For the next 6 years, I engaged in her…was loyal only to her, despite her being married all through this time…she became like a god to me. I truly loved her.

I did drugs during this time for the first time. Marijuana, magic mushrooms, cigarettes, alcohol, and cocaine. All of them were with her. I wanted to experience everything I could with her, as I knew deep down this was all wrong.

I dabbled in black magic and ouija boards.

I watched and stood by as her life fell apart…her marriage failed. And I was happy about that, at the time…as that meant I would have more time with her.

She tried to kill herself one day. I found her seizing…flailing around on the ground, covered in her own blood. I got her the help she needed, got her to the hospital and luckily she survived.

She later left me for another man…it still hurts me to this day.

I laid with another woman years later, but I did not love her. I used her for her body. It lasted only a few months…it was quite terrible.

Everyday, I try to make it right…and everyday I fight my demons of the past.