Do you think it is too late for me, and will God still forgive me? I grew up in a Christian home and am a Christian myself. I always believed I was a

6 years

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Do you think it is too late for me, and will God still forgive me?

I grew up in a Christian home and am a Christian myself. I always believed I was a really good and well behaved child growing up. Until puberty hit… Once puberty hit all I could think about was Lust and it still affects me now at 16. I am still a virgin, but online and in person I have committed some incredibly vile sins. Sure, I have consumed p********** and would even say I am or was a p*** addict, but it goes further beyond that. Several years back me and my friends were watching Harry Potter at my house. My female friend was laying on the couch with all of us and had your legs sprawled out over all of us, which none of us minded. Eventually she fell asleep during the movie and I started rubbing her leg and inner thigh. One thing let to another and before I knew it I started sliding my hand down her pants. Before anything else happened, she woke up. She acted like nothing happened at first, but later she told her mom what happened and then her mom told mine. I acted like nothing happened and my mom believed me. We still met up and I apologized in person. I never told anyone about that night and it feels like it will haunt me for the rest of my life. That wasn’t the start nor the end of my lustful acts. For some reason I kept lusting and hurting people. Later down the road I was in a position of power in an online community (I was an Admin on a Discord server). Me and this girl started DMing back and forth. Nothing serious just goofing off and generally talking. Eventually I started getting more and more s***** with her to the point where I was s******* harassing her. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until the community owner stepped in with some other people to confront me. She never directly said no, so I assumed she wanted it so I kept trying to be s***** with her online. When I was confronted I felt so much guilt and shame I left the community. I told them how I wanted to be a better Christian and left. I was clean for a little while, but then I started consuming p********** again. These are just some notable events, but I have a repeating pattern of getting close to a girl and then either hurting her and then I abandon her out of panic, or I hurt her and then she understandably leaves. This happens with girlfriends, friends, and just general romantic interests. I have hurt so many people because of this lust, and today I just lost my bestfriend because of it. I never really have bestfriends for this reason I usually just hurt them and then they leave, whether it is lust or something else. Today I was being s***** with a girl I recently reconnected with. We were sending videos and stuff back and forth and I accidentally sent one to my bestfriend. I panicked and tried to get in contact with her so she wouldn’t see it, but she still did.

New Confession

when i lay on my stomach i am reminded of my vulnerability
i can feel the breeze kiss the spots on my back that only
you and the sun are familiar with.
it doesn’t tickle as much as it did the first night you stayed over.
it’s a familiar feeling.
and while it kills me,
deep down i am thankful to know that you will never know what my back looks like
as the seasons change.
you will forget where each and every freckle stays
you will miss the tan lines left by the harsh rays of summer
and the fairness of winter against my skin.
the last time you’ve seen my back was when I left you
and i am both terrified and proud that you will never know my vulnerability again.
-KQ

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i think im a burden on others, no one truely “likes” me. I have friends i’ve known for years and years, yet it’s still awkward. I’m always the one initiating conversation, i’m the one asking to make plans, i’m the one checking up, i think if i just stopped talking everyone would forget i exist. I make space for myself when no one really invited me. It’s confusing, i can vent about this to those friends and they reassure me, but i think i’d just rather they tell the truth. I know they love me, but it’s an obligation, they might love me from all the years spent together, but i know they dont really like me as a person. And it’s so selfish of me, i could set them all free but i have no one else, i dont think i could take it, so im just stuck in this endless loop of feeling like not enough but too scared do anything. I want things to be like when i was a child.