Porn. Ive been watching it for so long I dont even know why I watch it anymore. Every day when I get home from work, ill be browsing those nasty videos,

6 years

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P***. Ive been watching it for so long I dont even know why I watch it anymore. Every day when I get home from work, ill be browsing those nasty videos, looking for the perfect video to get off to. Its gotten to the point where i can never seem to find the perfect video anymore. So I dive deep into p*** genres that wouldnt of made me nut before, this usually takes all night. I wake up tired and filled with guilt. Im getting multiple lates at work because sometimes i wake up more h**** than guilty so i decide to do a ‘quick’ p*** session before work. I cant look people in the eye anymore. Im a pathetic loser who has given in to his weakness. Ive used almost every excuse for me being late to work. I fantasise about telling my boss i was watching p*** and then f****** her on the desk afterwards. My view of women is degrading, im starting to think of only s** and not love and compassion. P*** is meant to be 18+ but lets be honest. Most people who watch p*** are young teens. I started when i was 13. I remember my classmates were talking about it at the time. And me, being the clueless little angel that I was, asked what on earth are they talking about. They laughed at me then told me to search it up. Honestly, worst decision ive ever made in my life. Seriously. The amount of time ive wasted on p***.

New Confession

when i lay on my stomach i am reminded of my vulnerability
i can feel the breeze kiss the spots on my back that only
you and the sun are familiar with.
it doesn’t tickle as much as it did the first night you stayed over.
it’s a familiar feeling.
and while it kills me,
deep down i am thankful to know that you will never know what my back looks like
as the seasons change.
you will forget where each and every freckle stays
you will miss the tan lines left by the harsh rays of summer
and the fairness of winter against my skin.
the last time you’ve seen my back was when I left you
and i am both terrified and proud that you will never know my vulnerability again.
-KQ

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i think im a burden on others, no one truely “likes” me. I have friends i’ve known for years and years, yet it’s still awkward. I’m always the one initiating conversation, i’m the one asking to make plans, i’m the one checking up, i think if i just stopped talking everyone would forget i exist. I make space for myself when no one really invited me. It’s confusing, i can vent about this to those friends and they reassure me, but i think i’d just rather they tell the truth. I know they love me, but it’s an obligation, they might love me from all the years spent together, but i know they dont really like me as a person. And it’s so selfish of me, i could set them all free but i have no one else, i dont think i could take it, so im just stuck in this endless loop of feeling like not enough but too scared do anything. I want things to be like when i was a child.