i cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years with one of my closest female friends and i dont think i want to touch a man ever again but i am also very scared at

6 years

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i cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years with one of my closest female friends and i dont think i want to touch a man ever again but i am also very scared at the idea of not being with him
also ive been abusing stimulants for years and honestly wish i could stop but i also think that it’s the only thing keeping me from spiraling right back into some pretty h******* bulimia/anorexia
also ive been doing s** work for like 5 years and no one knows except my boyfriend who also did s** work in his past
I’m living like 5 different lies lmao

New Confession

You know what guys? We can literally chat with each other using this program. We can make lengthy notes of information utilizing it as we normally do patiently seeking each others messages by a posted mark agreed by both parties for example I’ll always begin with the letter x- then the message. The other person knows it’s me returning their response. Everyone can use their first letters of their names not giving away their identity for example MJ Michael Jackson/jordan etc. anyone wanna try it?

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i think im a burden on others, no one truely “likes” me. I have friends i’ve known for years and years, yet it’s still awkward. I’m always the one initiating conversation, i’m the one asking to make plans, i’m the one checking up, i think if i just stopped talking everyone would forget i exist. I make space for myself when no one really invited me. It’s confusing, i can vent about this to those friends and they reassure me, but i think i’d just rather they tell the truth. I know they love me, but it’s an obligation, they might love me from all the years spent together, but i know they dont really like me as a person. And it’s so selfish of me, i could set them all free but i have no one else, i dont think i could take it, so im just stuck in this endless loop of feeling like not enough but too scared do anything. I want things to be like when i was a child.