My secret and my shame really is that I’m deeply ashamed of having looking for a job continuously for 8 years and *still* finding nothing and be unemployed. I’m ashamed of the fact that even though I’m an engineer by title, and by training, I’m *terrible* at math and calculations and this is why no one will hire me. I’m ashamed to admit that behind all the fancy titles and things that I’ve ‘claimed’ to have done, most of them are really not my accomplishments!!! I don’t feel deserving of anything that I’ve earned and done in this life so far.
I’m ashamed that I’m so bad at job hunting and I am still bad at it. The true reason why I can’t find something is because deep down they know that I know that I’m a fraud and that’s why they don’t want to hire me. I feel like deep down, I’m just unworthy and that’s why I’m stuck. I’m scared that I’m so bad at job hunting that my husband will no longer love me and all my friends will leave me after they find out how stupid and useless I really am.
Sometimes I feel like I haven’t tried as hard as I can because that way I can still pat myself on the back and say it’s OK, that’s why it didn’t work out. When really I have tried and it’s not working out.
