im so f****** tired of being alive. i have no motivation for anything. i feel like a s*** pet owner, i can barely get out of bed to do anything, much less fill the water dish that sat empty for half a day before i felt so f****** bad i forced myself up to refill it.
my rooms a f****** mess and im yelled at because of it but i dont know how im supposed to clean it when my room is filled with a bunch of useless s***. books ill never f****** read and clothes ill never f****** wear. everything just clutters the floor and i dont want to get rid of anything because of the sentimental value to everything, but i dont have space for anything anymore and my room is so f****** disgusting as a result, its not even just stuff with sentimental value its cups and trash and plates too.
my stamina is s*** because of constantly being lazy and unable to do simple s*** like get up and try being active for once. i dont even bother excersising and instead just try f****** starving myself. but of course it doesnt f****** work!! no difference, nothing.
cant see a therapist because of its cost, i cant just magically get better, theres no f****** options.
i feel like so many people have it SO much worse than me, but im still so f****** empty and numb and theres no f****** words to explain it.
i didnt proofread this so sorry if you sat through this s*** not knowing what the hell youre reading. i dont really know how to end this so goodnight
