I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for a really long time. A lot of it I hid from my family, they didn’t know how bad it was. I tried to commit suicide somwat recently and was in an intensive 2 month outpatient therapy program. During this time my dad finally sat me down (I am 30 y/o f) and said he wanted to know what was going on. I told him about my past r****, my fears, my anxieties I dont trust men but this man has done anything and everything for my brother and I and my kids. I felt scared but safe.. little did I know this man I adored may be the worst of them all. He pushes me to smoke meth, crack and cocaine.. I’ve never done drugs until this year. I found out about his drug use and since the gate was opened he’s unafraid of me knowing.. he doesn’t hide anymore but instead want/need misery company. Then he started listening to all my music, reading my poems and stories and now tells me he is IN LOVE with me. He likes to get me high because I am congruent with his advances. Scared to say no, scared to loose what I thought was all I had left, scared the rest of the family will find out.. he’s told me numerous times, if I told anyone what was really going on… What he was doing.. he’d kill himself and it would be on my hands. He is middle eastern so I feel shame would be a ligit fear of him killing himself. I don’t even like the stuff… I’m a very high anxiety person and they only make me feel worse but he keeps pushing but then says you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Like a trick. I know I’m too smart for this. I’m too good to loose my husband and kids to a drug I never even wanted in the frost place. But what the f*** am I to do? My heart aches with a resonating sound of pure emptyness. My husband keeps telling me how good I’m doing and he’s never seen me so happy but that’s what scares me the most. He always knows everything… We talk about everything. Hiding only makes me want to die even more.