i spent my entire life hitting people and controlling everything i always feel like im entitled to more than i actually am my parents give me everything,

6 years

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i spent my entire life hitting people and controlling everything
i always feel like im entitled to more than i actually am
my parents give me everything, support me in every way
my brother loves me dearly
but i spend every day irritating by them
when i’m really just angry at myself
and honestly
i don’t know how much more i can keep living the lie
that they seem to want me to accept, that i am good and that i treat them well
my mother says to me today during a fight,
‘all those times you hit me, huh? those you just forget?’
and i said to her, instead of sorry, because
i knew it was gonna keep me up all night anyways
‘why did you bring that up?’

i’ve ruined everyone’s lives
i wish i could die
i wish i could better
why can’t anything ever work for me?

New Confession

I don’t know what to do. I’m 51 years old. I’m separated from my husband of many years. I have been seeing a guy that is 25 and I am pregnant with his baby. I thought i was starting menopause and went to my doctor to find out that I’m 8 to 10 weeks pregnant. I have kids that are older than the father. My doctor says that i am healthy enough to have this baby.
Last night I told him i was carrying his child and he loves the ideal of having his baby. He told me that he has always wanted to get me pregnant and that why he never pulls out. He told me he has been in love with me as long as he can remember. He says he will support whatever I decided but he wants me to have his baby. I was not expecting that.
I have been friends with his mother for a very long time. I remember when she was pregnant with him. She is a few years younger than me and lives a couple houses away. Yes, I have baby sat him. I’m pretty sure she knows that we have messed around just by the joking between us that has gone on. I don’t know how she is going to take me having her first grand baby.
Should I get an abortion. I have never had an abortion and i am kinda against them, for myself. But I will be 52 when this baby is born and he will still be 25. How long could a relationship with a guy that is almost 27 years younger than me last.

Related Confessions

Hello I am the man who has a compulsion to put objects in my b*** to simulate g******. I have often in the past sworn it off more times than I can count. I’ve confessed it to my priest over and over. The truth is I just like the feeling but the more I accept myself the less of an allure it has. So I slipped and did it again today. I use a smooth painted garden rake handle that I prop up and then back myself into it. I try and resist but I’ve come to accept that only Jesus can save me. It was not very satisfying even though I tried it to be and fucked myself good. I just did it a while and got a little prostate fluid out then I quit. It’s not that great anymore. So that’s my confession. Today is July 1 and it’s the last time. BTW I need to find a better outlet for stress and s***** frustration.