13 times I’ve gotten women pregnant. 13. I feel guilty because I’m the one who never wears a Condom. But my real guilt is because only 3 of those kids are alive now

2 were aborted by their mothers. The first abortion wrecked my ex girlfriend. She was never the same after that. Even now 14 years later.

2 of them were stillborn. My fex wife was devastated

6 of them miscarried in the second trimester. She wanted a baby so badly. She kept trying and trying but she couldn’t take one to term and she fell into a depression that consumed her

2 of them were with an old girlfriend from college. She cheated on her husband with me, and the girls are mine, but she stayed married to him because of money. The girls don’t know who I am. I’ve only ever met one of them, and she doesn’t remember. I have no involvement with their life and feel like the worst father ever. I have to watch them
Grow up from 300 miles away through Facebook and Instagram

Only 1 of them lives with me and she is wonderful. Her mother was so much younger than me it was embarrassing. She had been a senior in high school and I was late thirties. We met in an office building elevator at a Christmas party and by March she told me she was pregnant and it was mine. She moved in after graduation

I love being a father with the 1 child we have. We are happy as a family, even if a little dysfunctional. I want more.

But the guilt of all the babies who came before, the Abortions and the miscarriages and the lives destroyed, it weighs on me everyday