My sin list, or at least the beginnings of it. Needed to purge this a long time, and the last time I tried to literally could not finish it because I was puking. The fact that I was the target of physical, emotional, and s***** abuse from my mother and multiple members of her fucked up family, and the non-surprise that I became a s** and m*********** addict for decades does not change how slimey it felt or in some cases still feels.
Cathy C: I am sorry we did what we did despite our young ages and supposed innocence. That was not just playing doctor for either of us. That you initiated it does not excuse that I participated, or enjoyed it. I realized at some point that the form of doctor we played and the things you said, told, and showed me probably means someone was messing with you too.
Janna: you were my first infidelity. It felt horrible for it happening, in general and because it was so one sided. It never would have happened at that time due to my lack of confidence or aelf esteem no matter how attracted to you I was but you followed me into the men’s room after hours. I was never fond of receiving oral s** but have never been a fan of one sided s**. When we tried to resume it years later and I told you I had experimented with men, I felt even worse because that made me unclean in your eyes.
Jocelyn: I was understandably helplessly drawn to older women. The fact that amidst our s** you began to refer to yourself as Mommy freaked me out to the point I could barely go thru with it. But you obviously could read it in me.
To the older man who was my first such proactive encounter: I felt calm, joy, and shame those brief moments you allowed me with your c*** in my mouth.
Helen: I am so sorry, both of us wanting and needing the s** and finding great comfort in it did not mean we should have done it. I understood why you dropped me and the job simultaneously.
Dixon: for me, a lovely experience with a other man. Sadly for me my only regret is that I did not lower myself onto your c*** as I straddled your hips grinding you between my cheeks.
To the other man’s wife whose face I remember and whose name I do not: I am sorry I let a sincere passionate and compassionate nature made me think I was trying to help you feel better about yourself.
To be continued…
