I’ve been married for several years now, and met my husband when I was 16. He’s the only person I have ever been with s******* and I love him deeply, but lately I have been feeling like I should have been with more people. Over the years, he’s become less emotionally available. At the same time, he doesn’t have all of the qualities that I would like in a s***** partner. He’s very small framed and short, whereas s******* I’m attracted to somewhat large, bulkier men. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy s** with my partner – he’s good in bed – but I fantasize about being dominated. My husband knows that I wanted more notches in my bedpost before we got married, and I believe he feels the same. I believe that we generally have good communication and all the previously mentioned is normal.

However, I’ve recently started a new job and have begun developing a crush on a coworker who is physically much larger than me. He is funny and great with kids and seems to drop in on occasion just to see me. He also has a lot of tattoos (I love tattoos, but my husband is against getting any) – generally just a really “manly” man. He is engaged to a woman with her own children (not his – he mentioned he can’t have children to me in passing), so he is in a committed relationship as well. I want to make it clear that I would never have an affair and would never hurt my husband like that, but this crush is consuming all of my thoughts. I look forward to seeing him everyday. He’s not even what I would traditionally consider as really attractive, and he is a little out of shape, but it doesn’t seem to matter to my body.

To add to this, I feel like he may be feeling the same way, considering he comes to my “office” for no apparent reason most mornings, or will come sit with me while I’m doing my work on occasion even though we don’t talk. I’ve also felt like maybe he’s picked up on all of this and my be starting to distance himself. There’s normally a period during the day where he will hang out with my group, and he has stopped this recently. BUT I haven’t flirted with him or done anything to make this uncomfortable – but I do like being near him. I think it may just be the fact that I’m enjoying the attention and he has some qualities that I find lacking in my husband (while realizing no one is perfect – not me either).

I’m really not sure how to deal with these feelings and don’t intend on acting on any of them. I would even come clean to my husband, as I think he would understand, but don’t want to hurt him or his confidence, so I may bear this burden alone. I needed to confess to someone that wouldn’t (hopefully) judge me. I wont say I haven’t had s***** thoughts, but I’m feeling like I’m missing something emotionally too, and my husband is a little harder towards me emotionally than my crush is. I’m not sure how to put all of this back into my marriage or process this attraction in a safe and non-harmful way.