i’ve been thinking about self harming again and idk why. it’s not to kill myself- i feel like i have no interest in living but i couldn’t be bothered to actually go and go through the effort to actually KILL myself- i guess it’s just and old habit. want to feel that sting on my skin and see the scars afterwards. i feel so f****** numb i just wanna feel something even if it’s pain. want to know i’m
still alive. sometimes i wish i wasn’t in a happy relationship cause i know my boyfriend would see the fresh scars when we have s**. wish i had nobody to keep me accountable for my actions, wish nobody cared about be so this could be easier. god i hate being alive