I did something terrible when I was 15… At that time, I had just got together with my boyfriend, it was a bit of a tough start but we enterred a relationship and were pretty into it. About a month and a half in, and I cheated on him with someone. And it wasnt a one time thing, it kept happening, and I never talked to him about it. The person I was with was very hold about it and constantly provoked my boyftiend about it. He was a jerk. I acted in the absolute worst way possible about it, and I hate myself for it. After a while I ended up cutting contact with both guys,but got together with my initial boy once again. It was not the same. I could see that I ruined him. Later we would end up being together on and off for about 3 years, trying to pretend nothing happened, what I did. It was never the same because I ruined him as a person. Thinking about it every day now, I have No idea what I was thinking doing that, why I would do that, why i didnt resist when the other guy just tried to haveme whenever he saw me. Sometimes the guilt of this makes me suicidal. I want to forgive myself but I can’t. Also I think that because of that, I forgive my current partners a lot of toxic behaviours, including 1 time cheating….
