7 years
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When I moved to another state for college,I asked my mom to come with me. At that time my parents were not exactly a happy couple and it was recommended that a bit of distance would mend the relationship.I had great plans about how I’ll help her change and improve her self confidence (she is a housewife, worked very briefly).We rented a 1bhk in the heart of the city, but got terrible neighbors.they basically made it clear that they did not respect is because there was no ‘man’ in the house. This was really intimidating to us. And I don’t know why but we started to subconsciously not go out unless work demanded. Or maybe that’s just my thinking, you’ll see what I mean later. Basically our routine involved me going to college and straight home and my mom just staying home. Many times I encouraged her to take up a job but she always chickened out of it. Even I was struggling with college and didn’t hang out with my friends, to keep my mom company. For three years we stayed in that depressing house with small windows and no view. We literally did not explore the city at all. I knew just the street on which we lived and nothing else. During all this time my mother’s loneliness was apparent. I even got her enrolled in a long distance course. But the more I helped her the more she seemed like a child to me. She was completely dependent on my father all these years and now she was looking to me. This was not how I had pictured my college years to be. I had taken over most of the house work because of her health problems. Still everyday I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for her. In the last year of college when my own burdens were many, I simply decided to leave my mother to her own wits. She didn’t take up a job or any other initiative.
Currently all of us are together in a new state. My parents relationship is now great again. But everyday I am filled with this guilt that I couldn’t improve my mom’s self esteem. I feel terribly guilty because during the last year one day she asked me to clean the house and I just told her I’ll do it later. She did it herself and sprained her wrist. It has been 7 months now and it hasn’t healed. If only I had not been lazy that day, she wouldn’t have been suffering this pain. I am also terribly regretful of all the parties and after-class events I missed just so as to not worry my mom. I missed out on major friendships. I also hate the fact that we stayed cooped up in our room when we could explore the beautiful city.
Till date I regret asking my mom to live with me as I feel that it has majorly hindered our growth. I couldn’t learn to live without the comfort of home and she couldn’t overcome her dependent attitude.
She says she’s done it for her kids but the low confidence and frustration of being a house wife certainly show through. I really don’t know how to help us both.

New Confession

I had…well, have…a female cousin, she was younger than all us boys and was the only female cousin. Even before any of us went through puberty, she would flirt and flash and tease us and always wanted our pants down when she let us look at her nearly or completely naked. Before any of us were in or past puberty she was most prone to doing such things in the pool, rubbing up against us and even reaching into our swim trunks and fondling and rubbing our child p e n elises and fondling our tiny t e s tcles. Sometimes she would even risk taking off her bikin bottoms under the water and let us touch and rub her and fondle her cheeks as she kept fondling and rubbing us. She always laughed when we got our immature little erec tions. It was far beyond anything remotely normal or playing doctor. A handful of times at picnic family reunions she would let some of us go with her as she snuck us out into the woods and take off all our clothes and look at and fondle us. Sometimes she would even con us into fondling ourselves and each other and even wanting us to s*** each other’s miniature g*******. We would do anything for her she had us eating out of her hand. As we boys started going through puberty she would keep us doing all these things just for the chance to see her naked, we all knew it was dirty and wrong esp since she was a few years younger than us. When she learned it happened by seeing it frombus for the first time, she would always want us to mas tur bate so she could watch us squirt. When her body started developing she loved to show it off even more and would let us fondle and g**** her. She never did anything more than touch and fondle us. Never let us do anything but touch and fondle her. She was the puppeteer and we were her pathetic h**** addicted performers. There was nothing we would not do to degrade ourselves for her, just to touch and see her. Sometimes she wanted to see us all moaning and j e r king off non stop for her, but there were far too many times she would direct her own personal h********* p*** show by asking us to s u ck each other, she would mix up who of us did it to another, but it is a harsh truth that thanks to her my male cousins and i spent an obscene amount of time s u c king each other off. The most personal part of this? I tended to be the one she had on my knees the most s u c k ing off the others. And if there were family gatherings but she was not there or was not in the mood to tease us, the group of us male cousins would have our own s u c k and j e r k off parties. If she was not direcring us, we were all common c o c k s u m e r s, it was only at her direction with us that i was the busiest one.

She stopped being interested by the time she was 17. We male cousins continued to do these things. Even as we aged well into our 20s. We would sometimes get together to do so, in pairs or the group, and sometimes we would talk about how we hated how we had allowed ourselves to be led into all of it. We gradually grew out of that behavior completely but it was a long struggle because we had become a very severely addicted bunch.

Over time family gossip informed us that Sarah would fu ck anyone any time outisde the family. As my fellow male cousins and i learned of this, i said it was a shame someone else outside the family was enjoying all that. It led to me learning from my cousins that Sarah had been all of their firsts. My cousins did not understand why that angered me so much, and when i calmed down i confessed to them that i had twice begged Sarah to be my first and she had refused me both times. My cousins were both shocked and supportive, telling me that none of them had ever mentioned it but assuned she had claimed all their vir gin ities. She had been the one that approached them for that. They had just assumed it was the same for me because i was the one that was truly utterly infatuated with her. They offered to try to talk to her and find out why i was the only one she rejected from clsiming virginity but promised they would not at my sincere pleading because i did not want to know. All of us had dated and had s** with other women, our only male male experiences were amongst ourselves. It was even more hurtful and angering and even my fellow male cousins had figured she would have slept with me also because they figured i was her favorite, her most devoted and star “performer”. But they did also point out that when they had each lost their virginity to her that it was the last time she did anything with each of them ever again. It was a mystery to us all but my cousins were very empathetic and understood my hurt and anger. We never talk to or hear from Sarah any more, and i still sometimes wonder why i was the only one she rejected that way. It is f’d up that this is still a low level pain for me. Being the only cousin she didn’t f u c k.

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