When I moved to another state for college,I asked my mom to come with me. At that time my parents were not exactly a happy couple and it was recommended that a bit of distance would mend the relationship.I had great plans about how I’ll help her change and improve her self confidence (she is a housewife, worked very briefly).We rented a 1bhk in the heart of the city, but got terrible neighbors.they basically made it clear that they did not respect is because there was no ‘man’ in the house. This was really intimidating to us. And I don’t know why but we started to subconsciously not go out unless work demanded. Or maybe that’s just my thinking, you’ll see what I mean later. Basically our routine involved me going to college and straight home and my mom just staying home. Many times I encouraged her to take up a job but she always chickened out of it. Even I was struggling with college and didn’t hang out with my friends, to keep my mom company. For three years we stayed in that depressing house with small windows and no view. We literally did not explore the city at all. I knew just the street on which we lived and nothing else. During all this time my mother’s loneliness was apparent. I even got her enrolled in a long distance course. But the more I helped her the more she seemed like a child to me. She was completely dependent on my father all these years and now she was looking to me. This was not how I had pictured my college years to be. I had taken over most of the house work because of her health problems. Still everyday I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for her. In the last year of college when my own burdens were many, I simply decided to leave my mother to her own wits. She didn’t take up a job or any other initiative.
Currently all of us are together in a new state. My parents relationship is now great again. But everyday I am filled with this guilt that I couldn’t improve my mom’s self esteem. I feel terribly guilty because during the last year one day she asked me to clean the house and I just told her I’ll do it later. She did it herself and sprained her wrist. It has been 7 months now and it hasn’t healed. If only I had not been lazy that day, she wouldn’t have been suffering this pain. I am also terribly regretful of all the parties and after-class events I missed just so as to not worry my mom. I missed out on major friendships. I also hate the fact that we stayed cooped up in our room when we could explore the beautiful city.
Till date I regret asking my mom to live with me as I feel that it has majorly hindered our growth. I couldn’t learn to live without the comfort of home and she couldn’t overcome her dependent attitude.
She says she’s done it for her kids but the low confidence and frustration of being a house wife certainly show through. I really don’t know how to help us both.
