I have two boyfriends, and I feel like I’m an awful person.

It’s not a simple break up with one either. After being the victim of s***** assault, I called off my original engagement and relationship. My now ex-fiance is autistic and didn’t understand what I needed emotionally, and he still doesn’t.

I moved out of his house and stared talking to a friend of mine more often and he’s helped me with learning how to heal, move on past what happened. I tried to start a relationship early on because I felt like I depended on his words to get through the day, but he even held me back then. I was delighted on Valentine’s Day when he asked if I’d be his girlfriend.

A week later, when my original boyfriend or ex came over, he started talking about a future between us. I still love him, but I can really feel the disconnect between us after everything that happened.
I’ve been with him to counseling sessions and therapies without them ever helping him to see or understand what I need to move on.
My ex’s family doesn’t pay him any attention or give him the support he needs either since his parents divorced. I don’t want to abandon him, but I don’t feel like it’s my job to be his step in mommy of some sort.

I think if I had to make a choice between hurting anyone though, I’d honestly just rather lay down and die. I have enough on my plate.
I’ve talked to both of them about the idea of something more poly, but they’re both territorial guys that dislike each other.