When I was 14 I was involved in a s***** assault… only I was the perpetrator. I kissed a six-year-old neighbor girl. She pecked me on the lips and tried to put out my tongue, she was surprised and confused. As soon as I did I realized what i was doing was wrong, and told her go home. I think hurt her feelings because she thought I was mad at her but I was mad at myself. She told her brother/ my good friend that we kissed I denied it, after that all the neighborhood kids stop hanging out with me (I don’t blame them). Strangely her mother let me still hang out with her brother but I never really saw her again. I never really dated anyone and remained a virgin until I was nearly 26. Never fully believing I deserved love… still don’t even after being with that same woman for nearly 15 years. It’s been almost 25 years and I still lay awake at night fearing that I ruined some poor girls life. I feel like I should have some sort of absolution, but don’t feel like i really deserve it. Despite going to therapy for a few years I never mentioned it, fearing the therapist would work my guilt away. I wish I could apologize to her, and her family but I’ve blocked out so much from that that I can’t remember their names or even thier faces. And that’s probably for the best.
