Ok, well here it is. I have a boyfriend, we were friends before we started going out and we got along great, and also before we were going out i had

14 years

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Ok, well here it is. I have a boyfriend, we were friends before we started going out and we got along great, and also before we were going out i had feelings for someone who if i told u, u wud probably think it was nothing because they are in a famous band, but the thing it i really loved him, and i’ve got a friend who can tell you that. I mean i cried over him, crying myself to sleep knowing that i could never ever be with him.

My boyfriend was dating one of my friends before we were going out but he broke up with her to go out with me because he loves me so much and would do anything for me.
Don’t get me wrong i love him to, but i dont think as much as he loves me.

When he was going out with my friend i was jealous of her, and whenever he asked me if i was alright id say yes but in my head i was saying no coz i wanna hold your hand and kiss you but i cant coz u with someone, then he dumped her and a few days later we started going out and i thought i was in love with him, but i think it may have been more of the case i want what i can’t have.

My feelings for the band member had started to fade and i was falling deeper for my boyfriend, but recently i have been getting the feelings back,and i still love him, i never stopped loving him.

I love my boyfriend but i dont think im in love with him, but i think im in love with the band member.

I think the only way i’m going to know if my feelings for the band member are real are if i meet him, which is impossible because he lives in america and is in a famous band so he is famous, how the hell am i supossed to meet him and find out?

I feel like im at a crossroads one way leading towards my boyfriend the other towards the band member, and the only one who can giv me directions is the band member but i can’t find him.

I know it is probably silly of me to think i’m in love with a famous person when i have a boyfriend who loves me to bits, but its how i feel.

I feel like i need to tell someone face to face about this but i can’t.
Even my friend who knew how much i loved the band member, she would be the only person i could tell but i can’t tell her coz she’s friends with my boyfriend and i’m kinda afraid of what she’d say.

When i look into the future i would like to have a family like on “8 Simple Rules” but the face of my husband is’nt my boyfriend, it was the band member but now they’re just a blur, i want them to have a face!

New Confession

I don’t like how people want things done quickly. Just f-ucking let me so them when I want to do them.

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Last year I befriended a guy I met in a hospital. This was new for me but I needed help and barely felt alive. He was from the same city as I and I found him refreshing. He was weird but the boring ones are the scary ones.

After we were both were out of the hospital, within a week I got a letter in the mail. It was from him. We are both from the same city and he saw me near my house. I texted him my phone number. I figured he was safe being he was a good guy and I liked him,

He is even more unstable than I am and I am no saint but I have had past issues abusing and selling drugs and he has various disorders as well. I triggered him by trying to manipulate him and thought he would go away.

I am not proud of this and I know very well he isn’t proud of his part either, We just simply did not mesh which was both his words and I. The thing is we have a lot in common but he’s more open about his problems and I’m embarrassed of mine. That didn’t seem to matter to him and it horrified me that he wasn’t as judgmental as others. I am used to bad people into something when I was the whole time with him. He knew it but let it go. Why!???

In the end, I used and insulted him often and he knew it but helped me over and over and tried to be my friend while I pretended to attempt to be his. Many see him as crazy now being he fell apart in other ways with other people in this horrible city but we are the crazy ones for taking advantage of good people. Ashamed and disgusted with myself yet also afraid I’ll one day be as open as he was with me. What is wrong with me??