When I was younger, my stepfather used to take advantage of me. He’d do dirty things to me and later tell me it’s our little secret. Him being my father, I trusted him – I didnt know what he was doing was wrong. So everyday for YEARS I pretended like nothing was going on, when I was with my friend or at school, I’d simply block the thought out.
He kept doing the same thing to me when we were alone or when mom wasnt home. I didnt tell anyone – I feel guilty until now knowing that I went along with him for YEARS. He made me do things to him that I feel disgusted just thinking about.
One day, my grandma saw what he was doing and told my mom. The police got involved, I went through check ups and they tried to make me tell them everything, including making me try to motion with my hand what he did. For that whole check up, I couldn’t do anything. We eventually had to move, since my mom didn’t (of course) want to stay with him.
I only found out today that nothing happened to him. He was doing fine, everything remained normal in his life, he even got the to take care of my siblings. Apparently doing the check up showed no results and proof that he did anything to me. Since he didnt actually do anything to me that includes having sex. But everyday the memory of him touching me on my privates and him forcing to do dirty things to him, and me just going along with it, makes me feel disgusted and guilty. They told me it wasnt my fault how everything turned out. But everyday – seeing my mother work 2 jobs to pay for everything including pay HIM for taking care of my siblings, whom she never gets to see. Im always going to know that it is my fault this happened, that my mom has to move out and not getting to see her children. Every night I’m awake thinking about the memories. And I’m always scared thinking about what he might do to my little sister.