• 3 months ago
  • 1 8

7 kids by 4 different women – makes me feel guilty when I think about it too much
I’ve cheated on 3 of them, 1 of them I’ve cheated with 3 times. I got my first pregnant by total accident when she was about to be a freshman in college in 2003 and I was her former teacher and was leaving for grad school (partly to avoid being fired for sexual harassment of female teenage students) and she happened to be going to the same place and we hooked up. No condom or birth control because I’m always just such a damn wreckless moron.. freaked out when she got pregnant and kinda went on a bender of drugs and alcohol and unprotected sex with random girls that fall – it was an ego trip I guess.

I got two mostly random college aged girls I met at bars pregnant – well two of them kept their kids that is – two other for sure had abortions and I know of at least three other miscarriages , maybe four, likely many I never found out about…., but yeah I was a very very bad person when I was 25-26 – but two of the girls were very sweet and they were even friends and later roommates, they both kept their babies – I don’t really have anything to do with them or their kids at all – and I feel soooo bad about that…. but I’m friends with both on Facebook – they actually are still best friends and their kids/my kids are good friends – one of the girl got married had two more kids and just got divorced when her guy cheated on her and so now She’s single again and very desperate – the other girl had a serious relationship with a soldier guy who got deployed to Iraq, she had a baby with him and was pregnant with a second when he was killed in Iraq in 2009 … she’s been single since then and seems to have unknown health problems – she looks heavy on Facebook but still cute, and her old roommate and best friend is starting to do cross fit or camp gladiator or some kind of workout class to get in shape after divorce and is looking pretty good

I’m 2005 I got back with my first ex-baby mama and we hooked up and she got pregnant again, she was 19. After getting her pregnant a second time, I thought we’d make a go of it, and we ended up getting married in 2007 and we had another kid together. Our marriage was shit and mostly because of me – my alcoholism and drinking problems, my infidelities, my lying and cheating and stealing – she put up with my shit and my DWIs and my getting fired and the rumors of me messing around with underaged girls and all that – everything from 2008-2014 was a fucking disaster

In 2014 she told me she wanted me to go to rehab – and that she might go take the kids and live with her mom a while in Texas – I felt like she was dumping me but I said ok

In rehab I got really into exercising and running and cross fit and lifting weights and I also ended up hooking up with another much younger girl in rehab who was also struggling to get clean and was into all the same working out Cross fit stuff as me – she was actually former high school athlete who partied too much and got into drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and all that and was getting clean and training on becoming a fitness instructor … so we like ran races and stuff that summer and well, she was supposed to be a sophomore in college and was still 19 that fall when I turned 37 and then boom – she fell pregnant

But we clicked like really well so we stayed together that fall and Christmas together after we got out of rehab and I told my wife that I had found someone new who helped me be healthy and clean

When my mom passed away that Christmas of 2014 I also inherited a nice ranch style house, full of my mom’s old expensive furniture and jewelry and also her car, a van, and a pretty good amount of money, cash, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, mineral royalties and interests and mutual funds – she had gotten them From my step dad when he passed and then she left it to me .. so I had more money and less financial pressure than I’ve ever had on my life bc I can pay my bills without a job and it’s kust very freeing and it allows me to travel with my girlfriend and our kids

My ex wife was crushed when I told her I got another girl pregnant in rehab and that I was dating her now but she knew she had set her self up for this when she left me

I’ve had another kid with the fitness instructor girl since then and we’ve moved out to a new place and are trying to stay clean together – she’s doing a way better job than me – but we are trying

I just feel guilty I’m not really in the lives of 3 kids I somewhat halfassed helped raise for so many years

I feel like I’ve abandoned 5 of my children as a father and 3 of their mother’s are all alone

But I don’t want to mess up what I have going on now with my current girlfriend and our two kids we have together

What the fuck am I supposed to do here?

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