I’m bi and I’m an 18 year old girl. I have a boyfriend of 4 years and I love him so much. About 3 years ago I had a best friend and we were really close. She knew I was bi and we made out. I fell for her. But then she took advantage of me and did things. She raped me. Fast forward to now, her and I started talking again and I feel as tho I’m in love again. I know it’s horrible but I miss kissing her even tho she took advantage of me. I want her but I feel horrible for it. I live in California but she moved to New York. She said I should fly out sometime to see her but I can’t tell my boyfriend, my friends, or my family because they all hate her. But I love her.