I am 40 years old and happily married with kids. I love my wife and kids very much. However, I have recently had s** with a prostitute for the first time and now I feel terrible. Not only do I feel intensely guilty I am also extremely anxious about the possibility that I have picked up an STD, and that I might need to tell my wife about any potential STD and infidelity. I used a condom and the girl was very careful and I showered and washed immediately afterwards. But I still worry as there is still a risk. I am going to get tested but for that you are advised to wait 4 weeks for test to be reliable. Before that I need to try and avoid s** with my wife. We only have s** about once a month anyway but sometimes 2-3 times. I am thinking of excuses that I can use.

My anxiety levels are extremely high and I have been having mild panic attacks although these seem to be subsiding. I am however finding it difficult to have normal, relaxed, happy interactions with my wife and kids as my underlying anxiety levels are so high.

I also have appetite loss and I am finding it difficult to concentrate on work.

Without a doubt this is the dumbest thing I have ever done. Why did I do it? Over the years I think I have developed something of an addiction to p*** and s***** fantasy. When I am in that fantastical zone my logical brain has very little control over my actions.

The shockingness of what I have done and terrible cost to my mental health and potential destruction of my marriage might allow me to overcome this addiction. I have vowed to never do p*** or indulge in fantasies again as I now know the dark path that it will lead me down. I hope I can stay off that path.