I love my boyfriend, and we have been dating for several years, but since Day One we have had problems. I was so in love with him at the time, I ignored all the red flags. He would get angry with me for seemingly little things (this still happens), he would make me cry frequently, he would seemingly without warning storm away (like get in the car and leave without saying where he was going or anything) and/or give the silent treatment. When he talks about me to his friends, he makes me out to be some stupid, low class person to mock me. I was constantly living in a state of anxiety, trying to tiptoe around him so he wouldn’t get angry. It sounds awful, and in hindsight, I should have left, I know… but like I said, I was so in love with him back then, he could have gotten away with anything and I would have made up excuses for it. Lately things have gotten a little better but occasionally he shows that dark side of him that worries me. He wants to get married and becomes upset when I’m not into the idea. At this point, we have been together for so long and have intertwined our lives – with a house, kids, mutual friends, family, you name it. I’m not unhappy. I just have this nagging feeling that I am making a bad decision, like I’m settling. The problem is, I have never had a relationship where I’ve been either treated well or was happy or stable. This relationship I’m in right now is literally the best one I have ever had. I’m not sure if I’m just making a big deal out of a normal relationship’s “ups and downs” or if I am in a less-toxic but still-toxic relationship.
To make matters worse, for the past two years, I have developed feelings for my boyfriend’s best friend. To make it 100% clear, we are not having an affair in any way. We do spend a bit of time in each other’s company because of his friendship with my boyfriend. But the best friend and I have so much in common, even some of what I thought were my unusual hobbies, it turns out he is into those same things. We have engaging conversations and genuinely have a good time when we’re all hanging out. Sometimes when my boyfriend can’t be bothered with company, he leaves the two of us alone and we always have a good time with just the two of us. He’s fantastic with the kids and is always the first one to volunteer to babysit when my boyfriend and I have a date night. Again, nothing physical or s***** ever happened between us. Just, over the course of time, I feel like I could see myself with the best friend. I’m not sure if I’m just emotionally trying to escape my current relationship or if I genuinely feel like the best friend and I are more compatible as people. On a few separate occasions, when the three of us have been in larger crowds of people (concerts and such) strangers assumed that the best friend and I were dating or married, even though we weren’t holding hands or being affectionate like couples would be – for obvious reasons! It just gets me thinking about what it would have been like if I’d met the best friend before I’d ever met my boyfriend… and this whole life I’m leading would be with him, instead. I fear the day that the best friend ends up meeting someone and falling in love with them, because I’d be devastated… I think I’d be more upset by that than if my boyfriend decided to break up with me.
Not sure if there was a real point to this confession, but I can’t exactly tell anyone how I feel about either my boyfriend or his best friend. It wouldn’t end well. I know the “right” answer is to try and figure things out between my boyfriend and me. I’m obviously not going to run off with someone else behind his back. I guess that’s it. Thanks for reading, whoever got this far.