He has a girlfriend. I've known since the beginning that he has a girlfriend, and yet still my brain doesn't really care. We don't talk about anything

7 years

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He has a girlfriend. I’ve known since the beginning that he has a girlfriend, and yet still my brain doesn’t really care. We don’t talk about anything intimate or bad or anything like that, but I feel close to him when we talk. I hadn’t thought I felt anything for him until he told me his girlfriend was studying to become a lawyer and suddenly, a thought popped into my head. One I wasn’t prepared for, and one I certainly hadn’t expected, but I guess the subconscious knows us better than we know ourselves. My first thought was “I can’t compete with that.”

And that’s when I knew that I had to stop speaking with him. I’m not one to be a homewrecker, no matter how much I wish someone were mine. I should have stopped speaking to him long before this…but I craved the attention and the conversation, even knowing that that sort of relationship can be addicting. I like to remove myself from those situations before they become a problem, to remove the temptation.

I can’t say that if he offered to be something more, even having a girlfriend, I wouldn’t be tempted to bite into that forbidden fruit. Because I think I would bite, and that gives me the most gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. I’m not that person, but I know there’s a chance that one day I could be. And that scares me.

New Confession

My parents didn’t do enough when raising me to teach me that actions have consequences and you can’t just be anything you want.

Related Confessions

I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.