((This will talk about some sexual activity so if you’re not okay with it that I suggest you stop reading)) ((also im sorry for my grammar.)) When I was

7 years

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((This will talk about some s***** activity so if you’re not okay with it that I suggest you stop reading)) ((also im sorry for my grammar.)) When I was 14 I engaged in b*********. I did not condone such acts then, and I still don’t. I’m actually a Christian, which is also why this guilt has been eating me alive! Anyway, I’ll just go ahead and tell you what happened.

I had stumbled upon b********* p*** on accident, yes I found it disgusting and inhuman, but I continued to watch it for some odd reason. Then, one day I was sitting on my couch watching “regular” p*** completely naked and my dog who is a girl jumped up on my stomach and started licking me down there; I’m a female FYI. It didn’t even feel good at the time, but I didn’t stop her. The p*** combined with that made me I guess release? ((I didn’t know what it was at the time.)) Right after the event occurred, I felt this overwhelming amount of doom ascend upon me. I felt disgusting, and worthlessness. My first s***** contact was with my dog, what the hell kind of sick person am I?!

Another time the dog got on my lap again and started to lick me again, but I pulled her off thankfully and nothing too bad happened. Nothing like the first time at least. I’m not s******* attracted to animals at all, now or then! When I see I dog I don’t think, “ohh I bet he or she would be good to have s** with” just the thought of someone else having that though sickens me!! I only told one friend about this and they were pretty chill about it, they told me there was more good in me than there was bad, and that since I’d never do it again ((which I haven’t)) I should just forgive myself…but I can’t! Everytime I look at my poor puppy I want to kill myself. Literally. The guilt consumes me. Sometimes I’ll be laughing or be happy, but then the thought of me doing this makes me stop being happy. I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy or be alive. Especially with my faith being involved. I just….I would really love some advice on how to cope. Or even just some support or something…you can even leave hate. Anything you tell me or call me will probably be something I’ve already said or called myself. Anyways, if you made it this far thank you!

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.