My life has been a roller coaster like most of you. My confession about trust,lies,innocence,cheating & love. I feel guilty of having so many baggage

7 years

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My life has been a roller coaster like most of you. My confession about trust,lies,innocence,cheating & love.
I feel guilty of having so many baggage s with me.
My 1st bf (A)loved me but I left from another guy. This guy (B) cheated on me with another girl. I started chatting with a new guy(C) on orkut,felt I was in love. He lived in another country so I started dating somebody else (D). Meanwhile I lost my virginity to an astrologer(E) who convinced me that having s** with will give me a better life. I,then left (D) to go back to (C). This guy came back to country and we started living together. I hated to have s** with him and eventually wanted to run away from him. Things very extremely complicated this time because we were living together. Meanwhile, my father started an extra marital affair which this women. To get over last relationship I changed the city and started dating new guy ( F). I left this guy for another man (G) who made me pregnant and left me to suffer. I had to abort the child all by myself. I was 17 when this ‘dating & love saga’ started and each time I thought I was i n love. I met my husband through my parents & Its been 5 years since im married but I could never share my past with him or anybody else. My baggages and mistakes from past still gives me nightmares. Only reason for writing this confession is ‘to feel better’.

New Confession

I need to cry so badly but I cant. There is so much bad in my life this year. The tears just wont come though. I think I’m too damaged to cry. too numb.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.