I (male) occasionally kneel for and blow a man of the cloth (a minister/preacher/priest for those of you unfamiliar with the term) who I also consider simply a male friend. I am no longer in that church community but I still s*** him off when he asks. I was fairly well known in that church, and routinely participated in the usual activities. Married, with kids, but this was going on in the background. Changed churches only because of moving to a different part of the city.

This whole thing came about as a result of me confessing my s***** trespasses to him at a time when I was extremely upset with what I had been doing with others. He was not predatory or manipulative, it was not done to blackmail me. The first time it happened, he and I were talking in a setting and context that had no bearing on his role or the church at all. If anything it was a confession on his part. He told me he understood what I struggled with, but from the other side, unable to quell his desire and lust, but as opposed to being the one who pathetically and compulsively gave pleasure, like I was compulsively doing, he could not break his compulsion for receiving it. I think in that conversation, he would not have brought himself to ask, but he did not need to. We were both in a place of legit upset and pain, and I think that if either of us was guilty of starting it, it was me, because in that sensitive moment, I dropped to my knees and said…please let me.

Over time we had conversations about the immorality of it and the “positive” that we each had in the other a safe sane outlet for our compulsions. But it went the other way too sometimes, it seemed we were both trapping each other and ourselves in an endless cycle of shame, regret, sincere desire to stop what we were doing, and inevitably one or the other of us unable to keep ourselves or each other on the straight and narrow. At some point we both stopped tearing our own and each others’ heads apart and agreed that if either of us needed to stop, it would be accepted by the other.
So to this day, it occasionally happens. As I write this, it was 3 days ago.

I once asked him if it was my duty or penance for a number of immoral/out of wedlock s***** acts with women or men I occasionally commited. In the past, because once I started doing this with him, I refrained from doing anything with anyone else.

I asked if providing this to a man of God was the karma/tradeoff to redeem myself. I asked if I was perhaps even doing something that was some fucked up form of public good that protected him or others from lust. He said it wasn’t, that while it was sin for us both and we would both be paying the price for it some day, it was simply misplaced lust on both our parts and that no matter how I was married and had equal lust for women, it was simply that I liked giving my mouth to a man for his pleasure, and that he enjoyed being on the receiving end of me doing that. He told me to not use those concepts as an excuse to keep doing it, to accept that this was at best nothing more than each of us committing a sin in a safe way with a safe individual.

That conversation was early December 2018. Sometime in January 2019 I got a call from a member of that church that I had known, just calling to say hi/catch up. When I met him for a drink, he told me that our mutual minister friend had told him that perhaps I could help with what he was goinf thru because I had gone thru something similar. My alarm bells went off immediately, I listened with caution. But while it was about a high libido and struggle with s***** urges and act outs, it seemed a safe conversation. My suspicions seemed wrong. But when we walked out and passed his car first, that changed quickly. My minister friend had told him what my compulsion was, and he takes my hand and puts it to his crotch and I feel his erection. I felt utterly helpless and betrayed, and then I am willingly following him to someplace safe and sucking him off.

Afterward was the worst I had ever felt about what I did. The next time the minister called me I went, fully intending to confront him about telling someone else about my shame. But when I walked into his home, he was already exposed and erect. It was only while I was on my knees with his p**** is my mouth that he asked me if I had heard from and seen the mutual acquiantance. The fuckee up part is the tears pouring from me as I nodded and then he was ejaculating in my mouth. I learned there really was a lower place to be/feel. He told me we both just needed to accept what we did. He told me that there was someone else I would probably hear from who needed my help.

And yes as I said above, I last did that 3 days ago. I have done it with that mutual friend twice since. I heard from the someone else that “needed my help.” I have not yet met that someone, but I know I will and I am hoping somehow I can be strong enough for myself.