we live in a totally old-fashioned place where hanging out with the other s** is still not completely approved.and having a boyfriend, like i do, is probably an out-and-out crime. i don’t like the way we need to hide, and find dark corners even for an innocent hug. and if anyone finds us together in a corner they will assume the worst. they do it to everyone,even random people hanging out with each other after class, the girls are labeled as flirts, sluts, whatever. i’ve always been a straight-A’s student, and i’ve never done anything beyond the limits of modesty, nor do i intend to, but the fact that i need to be labeled as something like just to be capable of loving someone. it poisons the entire feeling. it’s like we’re doing something dirty. i don’t want it to feel that way, but he doesnt seem to mind so much. i wish there was some way to fix it. he’s head over heels in love with me (i bet it’s only an infatuation, but still) and i dont think i deserve that much. i cant reciprocate that much. i wish i knew what to do.
