There was this girl that used to bully me for 3 years at school. Made my life hell for 3 years. No one believed me when I complained. She was perfect in their eyes. One night at friend’s birthday party I accidentally walked in on her and 2 older guys having s**. I looked at her and realized she was out of it, she was either drunk or drugged. Or both. She was being raped. The 2 older guys I later found out was relatives of the friend whose birthday party I was at. 1 of the guys said “look at this s***, do you want f*** her too”. I should have called the police or anyone but I left the party and I still remember what I thought that day “hope you get raped by even more people b****”. This was my revenge for 3 years of bullying. She didn’t show up to school for 4 days, her parents said she was sick. No one knew. Few days after that, I came home from school and my dad says have you heard about the bully, apparently she died from an accident.
I remember not feeling anything. My bully is dead from an accident so what. So there was the funeral which half the school was forced to attended, principal and teachers going on about how special she was. She was the popular one after all. It was at the funeral that stories of suicide was going around. Even my parents talked about it. So after the funeral I asked my dad what was the rumor. He looked at me said don’t tell anyone that she was raped and that she committed suicide and the whole accident story was her family saving face. In my country dying by a freak accident is more preferable to suicide and r***. She broke her neck falling down the stairs was the official story. The moment my dad told me this, I walked up to my room, laid on my bed and started crying. I did it. It was because of me. I should have told someone. Someone is dead because of me. This was 10 years ago. For 10 years I had one single nightmare. My body becomes cold every time the memory crosses my mind. Somedays I can’t eat or sleep properly. I finally told my dad a few months ago. He told me to get help. This is part of my therapy.
