How do we make good on a wrong doing that we have inflicted on another? Is the thought “Im gong to hell!” enough, or is there a plan to redemption? A good deed, followed by further good deeds….

I’ve contemplated this plenty of times and one act of mine has had me he today reflecting on something i did 17 years ago..

Back then I was in the army, in great physical condition and full of arrogance and bravado. On holidays back to Brisbane where I was from prior to enlisting. It was a Monday or Tuesday night, a night where finding a partner in crime for the night would prove hard and everyone typically stays in those nights, receiving from the weekend and preparing for the remainder of their working week. However this didn’t apply to me, on holidays everyday is a Saturday night and any activity could prove to be an exciting adventure.

The Treasury Casino was the destination, open 24hrs with drinking and gambling would be suitable for a solo journey. Hours of time in there results in intoxication and loss of money, though i wasn’t concerned at the time i just wanted more excitement and felt that this place running on empty. I had a fire cracker on me at the time, a few friends of mine had been fooling around with them a day or so earlier and i found myself with one on hand while I was there. At that moment of realising that I had the cracker and being in a less that sound state I began to consider letting it off. I knew that the fuse would provide 3-4 seconds head start and providing i didn’t look suspicious i would have a further few seconds to make my get away. I positioned myself close to exit and lit the fuse and dropped it o the ground, began my brisk walk to the door and heard an almighty bang. the enclosed room amplified the sound and the people whom i could see we rather shocked and had that typically flinch that occurs when frightened. As I got to the door, head down and full or adrenaline i turned for a split second to see was was unfolding behind me. A security guard/ doorman had seen me and had an instinct to have me. He wasn’t the typically mall type guard whom was mature aged and in less than good condition. This guy was quite muscular and wore a look of determination to get me, a look that left me in no doubt that if he caught me I would be in trouble! I ran like the wind, the thrill/ nervousness was like a power boost that had me off and gone into the distance with the sound of cars around me drowned out by the sound of me beating heart.

Once back at my car, yes I didn’t mentioned I drove into the city. the first poor decision of the night and followed up again when getting back to the car after consuming enough alcohol to well and truly exceed the legal driving limit. Not deterred I turned the key and off I went, unsure of what was to be next off I went. Late/ early morning at this point and my first though was to get laid, and nearby a place called Fortitude Valley was the place to meet the type of girls that hang out on the street (if you know what I mean). Driving along the street I saw some girls and decided to stop and chat with a girl who looked similar age to me and wouldn’t describe as unattractive. After I brief conversation and verbal contract I guess you could say she got in and off we went.

Not long after getting in the car I asked her where her place was, she said that she didn’t have one and that we would do the deed in the car. Shocked, excited and up for it I just asked where that spot should be and she directed me to the top of a hill. Quiet suburban street with plenty of trees and dim lid street lights. We both got into the back seat and removed our clothes, getting into the act. The back seat proved more than difficult to move in and I found myself out side the car, standing naked at the rear door and her all fours on the seat as I pounded away. The narrowness on the seat, the arch of the door frame, the door itself all made things awkward and finally I suggested her get out and lean over the rear boot. At this time all she had on was a sports tyre bra and Im still naked. This was a much better position and thus I get right into it and climax.

At this point I walk around to the drivers side of the car and get in, waiting for her I am looking back in the mirror and puzzled at why she is taking so long and what it is she is doing. Milliseconds seem to feel like minutes and at that point I decided to commence driving. I look back in the mirror and can see her frantically running towards the car. Even twice tapping the rear boot trying to keep up, 400 meters down the road I stopped to throw her back out of the car after taking back my money, then headed home for the night. The next day to find all of her clothes still in the foot hold of the passenger seat.

Its a crazy story i know and completely true, truly I feel guilt about my actions and a small piece of me laughs and thinks the immature behaviour has the excuse of being a harmless joke. I tell the story on occasions to friends (obviously only guys!) and I consistently get a even split result of incredibly horrified and blatant laugher. I always being the story with, “tell me? and I going to hell?

I do think about the girl often and if I had my time again I wouldn’t do it!

Can I ask you guys? Am I going to hell???

Thanks for reading

Steve