I hate where my life is going and despite having countless conversations with my partner of a few years, I can tell we are not on the same page about what

7 years

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I hate where my life is going and despite having countless conversations with my partner of a few years, I can tell we are not on the same page about what we want for our futures (they want to find a house to move in to. I have always, and still want to, do a lot of traveling before I decide where I want to settle). It hurts because I can’t share that’s how I feel without a defense being put up, so I just say very vague things like “yeah, that’ll be cool”.
It’s not that I don’t love them anymore, I have just felt like a shell of who I really am anymore because of it. I don’t find joy in anything, I’ve stopped doing the activities I have always enjoyed, I want to sleep constantly and not face it, I want to disappear. I miss who I used to be and the love and energy I had to share with those around me, now I don’t even have the energy to hold conversations with the people closest to me.
The hardest part is not having anyone to really talk to. They are either biased on my situation or partner, so aside from writing in a notebook, I feel so alone and I feel so lost on how to better my life and my outlook on myself..
I often find myself wishing I could disappear from all social medias and start anew, without anyone ever noticing I did. I also find myself wondering if I was really meant to spend my life without one partner, or if I’m just meant to travel and meet new people in new places.

New Confession

I don’t think I’m going to survive much longer. I’m a failure, and I always will be. I’ll never be my own independent person and I don’t deserve to be. I should’ve gotten it over with years ago.

Related Confessions

I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.