it was so long ago, I went through this terrible phase. Basically what happened was I moved far away from my original home. I couldn’t see my friends without having to take a plane, and I didnt know how to cope because my friends were all I had in life. I couldn’t bare the pain of losing them. What a fool I was…
I did have my phone and I texted them a lot, but we were slowly drifting away, and heading our own paths. Only one friend remained, and wed text everyday. She was one of my best friends and still is. There was this app she really liked, and she constantly begged me to get it. So finally one day I did after a while of her pleading just to get her to shut up. We were both a fan of some s*** indie band, I dont even know what its called, so we spent all our time talking about it on the app. Everything was time and good, for her, but slowly, as my life got worse with no friends and a crippling fear of people, my posts became more and more disturbing. I drew some of the most horrible things and posted it sometimes without a trigger warning at all. I liked to roleplay and my roleplays were filled with all these horrible things. I freaked out everyone, even my best friend asked me several times to bring things down a notch because I was just taking things too far, but sometimes I didnt listen. I never listened to anyone. The app was slowly taking me over. I became less social, less friendless, which made me even more sad, which made me post even worse things and do even more disturbing things in my role-plays. When I tried to talk about my feelings to my “””””””””girlfriend”””””””””” she started to cry, because I told her I was having thoughts about ending my life. Our relationship crumbled from there. I became more and more canned in and I had reached my disturbing peak. after a while we broke up, and my parents made me rid of this app (god bless them) after they found out I was talking to a heavily suicidal girl. They never saw any of the posts, thank god.
to this day I think about it. I can’t stop thinking about it. Songs from that horrid band get stuck in my head sometimes, bringing me back. Sometimes I just randomly remember a scene from a rp. Sometimes I remember the break-up with Hannah (I am Really happy I broke with her though. I finally see that I am straight and since that realization ive been so happy.) sometimes I think about that overly suicidal chick. It never leaves my mind, and every time my friend talks about the app and how much fun she’s having on it I get the most horrible flashbacks. It doesn’t help I tried apologizing to Hannah and she didnt forgive me and ranted on how much of a freak I was…
I just want to forget but I cant… I remember everything… im going to cut it short here, but know I have so much more to say. There is so much I have to remember
