• 5 years ago
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Cigarettes. Smoking heavily. Starting very young. At least 2 packs a day. Addiction. 3 packs a day. Unable to quit. Wanting to quit but loving cigarettes too much to ever give them up. Rotting teeth in your twenties. Coughing and hacking constantly. always Smelling like an ashtray. Needing a cigarette every hour. Always thinking about needing another cigarette. Worried if you have enough cigarettes. Always buying more and more packs. Emphysema and Lung cancer at an early age

Teen pregnancy. Young girls becoming mothers. No condoms. No birth control. They are terrified of being pregnant. The man inside them was much older than them. Maybe their high school teacher. Maybe she fell in love with him when she was a teenager. Maybe she always will. Maybe they badly wanted an abortion

Maybe their lingering abortion guilt from when they were a teenager haunts them forever

f**********. s*** shoes. s*** high heels. s*** boots. Girls wearing shoes without socks. Bare skin rubbing up against leather shoes. Never wearing socks. Even when it rubs blisters on the bare skin on her heels. Even when she has to wear bandaids. Going to the gym in Running shoes without socks. Never ever wearing socks and almost never wearing underwear. Even with jeans she wears no underwear, even with short short skirts. No pantyhose with S*** high heels. So s*** it hurts. High heels everyday.

Alcoholic ex girlfriends. Alcoholic tendencies. You know deep down youre an Alcoholic and a liar. Hiding liquor. Lying about drinking. Secret drinking. Throwing the bottles away while no one is home. Hiding bottles around the house. Sneaking bottles in an overnight bag. Secret trips to the liquor store. Secret nips of alcohol in the garage or the closet during tough times. Getting pissed drunkagain. P****** yourself. Inappropriate touching of other women. Younger women. Wanting alcohol so badly you can’t stand it. Thinking about it every day. Sneaking alcohol on work trips or on your way home. secret smoking. Hiding your smoking for years. Hiding your drinking from your spouse or children. Alcohol heavy on your breath

Getting fit and lean. Dieting. An athletic build. Shes Getting so skinny. He’s getting stronger. Lifting weights and cardio. Going to the gym obsessively because it seems safer than drinking. Counting calories. Eating more protein and less junk food. Watching the gym Rats pump iron. watching the women running. Watching the glistening bodies. Watching all the pretty girls working so hard to be thin. Wanting so desperately to be skinny.

Escapist fantasies. Maybe it’s fabulous trips around the world or just across the country. Maybe it’s just going camping in the woods or in the mountains. Maybe there’s a shelter. Maybe it’s just books or binge watching your favorite tv shows alone. Maybe there was a real escape in a transforming experience. A real actual
Journey. Maybe you helped someone get away from something or someone. Maybe it’s time to run for the hills. Maybe that unhealth fascination with semiautomatic firearms and other weapons is about to pay off. Maybe it’s good the assault rifles and pistols collecting dust didn’t get too much of their own paragraph. They would have back in the day. Back when those fetishes ruled a man’s subconscious as much as some others.

Maybe all of this work and western society is just too much. Maybe it’s crushing our souls. Maybe late capitalism is finally collapsing and we’re all still just corporate drones awaiting the end while we watch sci fi on Netflix and zone out to social media as it spies on us and sells our lives into the next pseudo zombie apocalypse

Maybe all of this is crushing my soul

All Comments

  • You have a drinking problem and clearly some other issues too

    Anonymous January 20, 2019 2:10 pm Reply

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