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a guilt
8 years
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I’m the reason he’s in the hospital. I’m the reason he’s been cutting. I’m the reason he wants to die so badly. I deserve to be in hell. I want his brothers to cause me pain; I want them to treat me how I deserve. I just want him to be okay and to take all the pain for him. Take all the pain I deserve. I want to feel the pain when I breathe because my ribs are bruised. I want to feel the aches in my muscles from where I’ve been hit. But they won’t do that and I can’t ask them to. I can’t ask them to hurt me for hurting him. So I did it myself. I cut my thigh so I can feel what he felt. I unwittingly cut the same number as the months he’s been suffering. I want to tell him he will be okay. All I want is his pain.

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