I don’t know how to say this as i’ve only ever told one person. I did something that’s truly haunted me every day for the last ten years and i’m so disgustingly ashamed of myself even though i was a child when i did it. I’m shaking just admitting it.

Basically when i was 16 i had a pretty wild childhood. i ended up at a party with adults all around 25-30. A Russian woman walked in around 40 and i was transfixed by her and wanted to flirt with her (what was i thinking at 16). It turned out she was a woman of the night (prostitute). Anyway i got drunk out of mind and the owner of the party put me in a bed so i’d be okay. A few minutes later the Russian woman joined the bed too as she was a friend of the owner of the house and was staying the night. I turned over hammered drunk and tried to wake her up i think i must have been thinking i could flirt and have a chance but she was asleep laying there with just a dress on and you could basically see her underwear and part of her v*****. In my drunken state i really wanted to feel what a womans v***** was like especially a woman of the night’s i guess that had a huge allure to me at the time (prostitute). In my drunken state i played with her v***** for 30 seconds. Then i came back in to focus slightly and realized what i was doing, ran outside and got sick everywhere. Its ten years later, i’m 26 now and i’m still haunted by this memory every night. I can’t sleep. I can’t talk to anyone because i’m so embarassed with myself even still. I’m depressed and feel absolutely helpless i don’t know what to do. I told my dad once after a few drinks a few years late and he told me you were a child you can’t punish yourself for something you did at 16. I know i was only a child and shouldn’t have been in in that situation but i just can’t forgive myself.

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