It's so horrible that I think like I do, but the thoughts won't go away. The urge to physically hurt someone is over whelming, I daydream about choking

8 years

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It’s so horrible that I think like I do, but the thoughts won’t go away. The urge to physically hurt someone is over whelming, I daydream about choking someone, or biting their throats out. I wish I wasn’t little b**** and would ask for help or medication but I don’t want my family to look down on me, I know the things I think and want are wrong but I c any help it they won’t go away. Iv started fights just so I can hear someone’s crys when I hurt them. What’s wrong with me.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.