When I was like 8 I almost raped my sister and she doesn’t know about it

I had just gotten a b**** from watching an “adult” movie on the TV (some chick was doing a car wash and got naked) it didn’t show anything which was why I did it (can’t fap to legs and dropped p******) she was there sleeping on my bed since we shared a room at the time and I was really curious as to what a girls privates look like, I pulled her pants down and saw her p****

I didn’t know what to do with it so I just stared… I ended up going back to bed without resolving my “issue” and she woke up Wondering why her pants were down

If I had known to put it in I’d have committed i***** this s*** haunts me