I am so terrified of women. I wish I had someone to talk to constructively. I really need someone. Long story short, I raped a lady when I was 22, in college. Got 3 years in jail. On probation for 10 years. I have to inform every woman I date about what I have done. It isn’t easy. Some dates left immediately, not even a good-bye. Two used it as an opportunity to abuse me. One I felt particularly close to- she and I were having s** and she whispered to me, “I could call the police and say you are r***** me and you’d go back to jail, where you belong you no good pig.” The other one I got close to used my past as an excuse to hurt my p**** and testicles and she hurt me really badly down there. It hurts to even repeat it.
I have been dating another woman for a year now. I want to marry her. I want kids with her. She is everything I could hope for- beautiful, intelligent, sweet.
But I am terrified of women. I am terrified of being alone with them. I am terrified they will hurt me. I am terrified of opening up s******* to her. What if I have a panic attack or cry during the middle of s**? My girlfriend is begging me for s** but I can’t give it to her beacuse I’m too afraid. I want to please her so badly but she will be just like all the others and either hurt me or humiliate me.