This diahrrea is terrible. I feel like I’m going to shit myself to death. I spiked my underwear last night drinking again. Woke up on the couch alone and

8 years

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This diahrrea is terrible. I feel like I’m going to s*** myself to death. I spiked my underwear last night drinking again. Woke up on the couch alone and hungover again. I’ve been so alone for so many years.

Sometimes I feel like life isn’t worth it. Being so alone. I’m so desperate for a woman to really love me. Not just to treat me like trash and leave me out to die in the cold.

Five years ago, the Last woman That lived with me used to do things to me when I was drunk. Like lock me outside in the back yard. In the freezing cold or the blistering muggy heat. I blacked out a lot. One time I passed out in an ant bed and she left me there. My d*** was covered with hundreds of festering ant bites

She should have taken me to the hospital but she left me out there alone. She was mad I had lost my phone on a work trip when I was drunk and she suspected I had been flirting with another younger woman – she was right and she knew it without asking. So she tortured me then left me alone and broken

So all I have left to do is drink myself asleep every night. I’m not even 37 yet and I probably have cirrhosis of the liver. My skin color is off. I’m always bloated and gassy. I get the shakes if I haven’t had a drink. I crave cigarettes constantly even though I tried to quit smoking almost a year ago. I pine for a much younger woman at work. I desire to be with her, to be inside her. All she wants are babies. She’s barely 20 and dropped out of college. She isn’t old enough to drink, but I’ve bought her alcohol. She goes out with younger men than me, who are well, healthier.

She prefers men who haven’t drank themselves into oblivion

Do any of you relate to this? Do any of you also struggle with drinking spiraling downward and out of control? What the f*** do i do here?

Alcohol is the only thing that still works for me. It’s the only thing that has worked for me the past twelve years since I fucked everything up forever. I need alcohol to be ok

I know I’m an alcoholic

I know it’s killing me and destroying my life and my career and destroying my relationships with everyone who once loved me

Nobody really loves me anymore

So now the bottle is all I have left

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Imma naked n*gga like Tarzan, shirtless rage like I’m Jesus Christ, woah, that bittch is frisky!

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