I do sexual things to my girlfriend in her sleep. I once touched my friend while she was sleeping, too. I love my girlfriend so much, which makes the self

8 years

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I do s***** things to my girlfriend in her sleep. I once touched my friend while she was sleeping, too. I love my girlfriend so much, which makes the self loathing that much more. I want to stop but I don’t know how. I sit and reason with myself and I tell myself I won’t do it again, and then it comes to it and it’s like I am another person. It’s worst when I have had a drink. It consumes my thoughts all the time. I wish I was different.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.